Icarus’ Mother Unplugged: What You Do for Your Son When His Father Remarries

1. Steam his White Shirt

Hang it from the highest cupboard while the steamer sputters. Pretend it’s the Ghost of Weddings Past and let it shuttle you back to the crisp October day you married his father. Watch the wedding party dressed in deep burgundy hoisting glasses of champagne high over their heads before racing to the dance floor for a “Summer Love” duet from Grease. Remind yourself this isn’t the white shirt your brother swung like a lasso while dancing on the head table. This shirt is fresh from the store, folded around a cardboard rectangle, secured with dozens of stick pins you must gently remove. When one pierces your finger, don’t let blood stain the shirt. As steam rises in the kitchen, let the Dickensian ghost-shirt return you to the present so you can smooth every wrinkle.

2. Hide a Note for Him in the Pocket of His Suit

Fold it into a tiny square your son never finds; just knowing it’s there is a comfort. Write about the desperation brewing in his 10-year-old eyes when his father told him he was leaving and how you still see that look in your dreams although he’s 21. Tell him you’re sorry you failed him, but marriage was hard. Giving up felt cowardly, but fighting for impossible things is futile. Explain that you longed for a fairytale, but it was more like a choose-your-own-adventure story. His father and you chose differently somewhere in the middle, but now one of you is about to reach “Happily Ever After.” Remind your son to pay attention to the woman he someday marries, remember she likes cinnamon stirred into her lattes and long hugs during sad movies. Suggest he wrap himself around her when she’s cuddled beside him and always wear his ring so she feels it brush her skin.

3. Give Him Money for a Haircut

This one’s challenging because you don’t want it military short, high and tight, even though he likes to wear it that way sometimes. When he does, he looks exactly like his father and you have to keep reminding yourself that he’s a different man, one who always blurts “I love you” so quickly it sounds like one word. Not three that catch in his throat.

4. Pack Sunscreen for Him

Destination weddings are mostly in tropical locales; you don’t want him to get burnt. You couldn’t keep him safe when he was younger; he wouldn’t talk to a single counselor for years after your divorce. But now his heart is opened to you. These days he flies perfectly, balanced between earth and sky. Daedalus couldn’t save Icarus from the sun’s heat. But you can.

5. Feign Excitement

You can still master this one by pretending he’s just going on a vacation. Research seaside restaurants together on OpenTable. Manufacture a smile by thinking of how lucky you are that he shares your love of Otis Redding, cooking without recipes, and yelling out answers in question form during Jeopardy, but don’t spend time on sentimentality. Quickly show him a Saturday Night Live skit on your phone to distract him from seeing your messy mascara. This way, you seem strong, cool, and together. He’ll be able to call you during his trip and share the details. Maybe even some photos.

6. Don’t Ask about the Details But Listen if He Wants to Tell You

This step is crucial. Allow him to run the conversation so it doesn’t feel like you’re dying to know how many former friends attend or if the bride’s dress is lace or silk, long or short, demure or daring. Don’t quiz him about what hors d'oeuvres ride out on silver trays balanced on tuxedoed arms or if the band plays “At Last” for the couple’s first dance. Never inquire how many times guests clink on crystal to prompt a kiss. Don’t ask if he thinks his father is kinder or softer now or if it all just feels surreal. Who knows? He may look at you and confess that he wishes he didn’t have to get on the airplane, but if you’ve done your job, he’ll relax and enjoy the wedding, never think of you when he hears “Ode to Joy.”

 

Color photo of the author, Dana.

Dana Kinsey is an actor and teacher published in Fledgling Rag, Drunk Monkeys, ONE ART, On the Seawall, Porcupine Literary, Sledgehammer Lit, West Trestle Review, Autumn Sky Poetry Daily, Syncopation Literary Journal, and the Pine Cone Review, among others. Dana's play, WaterRise, was produced at the Gene Frankel Theatre.  Her chapbook, Mixtape Venus, is published by I. Giraffe Press.

Image description: Dana, a white woman with shoulder-length curly auburn hair, smiles while standing on a white outdoor stairway with Greek columns in the background. She’s wearing a black dress, olive green jacket, gold chains, and long gold earrings.


This flash|nonfiction first appeared here, at Prose Online.

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